Tara's Rules Of Engagement By Josh Rotter On GayTvBlog.com

("The Pickup Artist 2" cast, courtesy of VH1)

THANKS TO JOSH ROTTER. PLEASE CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE!

In the game of love, or even lust, many of us are losers, even those of us who are successful in all other aspects of our lives. Maybe we have everything else, the perfect job, the nurturing home and family life, and tons of great friends; but for some reason we just can't seem to find that ideal partner who so many of us crave.

Why is that, you've certainly wondered. Is it because as men we're too visually stimulated to select anyone who falls short of Brad Pitt? Is it because we approach dating as we do everything else in our lives, with too much entitlement and not enough compromise? Or conversely, were we so oppressed growing up that we don't think that we're worthy?

We could continue posing theories ad nauseam, but we think it's time for some answers. To get them, we decided to hit up world renowned pickup guru Mystery's wing-woman Tara (and his co-star on VH1's "The Pickup Artist 2," on which they aim to mold the next generation of cassanovas) to get her take on gay dating and what we can do to better our chances at winning over Mr. Right -- for a night or a lifetime.

And yes, we know she's a woman, but sometimes it's good to get an outsider's perspective. And let's face it, Tara does attract guys and we're guys who want to attract more guys, so let's begin. Class is now in session.

Tara, please explain your role on "The Pickup Artist 2."

On the show and behind the scenes, they call me a 'wing-girl.' On the show I'm giving the woman's perspective of how I like to be treated, what I think of the pickup, and just helping them be more comfortable with women, and showing them that I'm not a scary monster out to get them and that women can be nice. So I'm a coach on and off the show.

So as a 'wing-girl', you help men pick up women by teaching them what women want, but how about teaching people how to pick men up?

We've actually had a lot of gay guys and women writing and asking why we don't include them, because they obviously have the same trouble, too. I think a lot of the same principles can be applied, but a lot of those things come more naturally to gay men and women, like not giving your all the first time you meet, and holding back and flirting. For example, one thing we teach is the 'Neg,' which is a compliment that's a little negative, like saying, 'I like your hair, is it real?' So you're giving a compliment, but the other person doesn't know where they stand. If someone approached a guy and said, 'Hey, I think you're amazing and I want to be your boyfriend,' the guy would think you're really aggressive and weird.

Which celebrities would you want to pick up?

Angelina Jolie and Meryl Streep. Your next question is probably, 'Are you a lesbian?' But for some reason the first thing that comes to mind is women. I don't know... I think women are so beautiful and complex and amazing. But for guys, I've always had a huge crush on Owen Wilson. That goes back to the whole visually stimulated thing, because he's not the most attractive guy -- he's no Brad Pitt -- but there's something about him. I also like Will Ferrell, because I love his humor and the stuff he does. I imagine him to have a wonderful personality.

OK fine, so you can be won over by great personalities; but aren't guys generally all about looks?

I agree with that for men and women in that the first time they see someone, they're not saying, 'Hey, what a great personality, I'd really love to get to know you,' they're seeing someone's physicality and what they look like. But I think that gay men are more like women in that they're more into personality. A lot has to do with the chemistry of the two personalities and the personalities matching up. But obviously even when men are attracted to women, it's not all looks. I think men are more visual, but if someone has a shining, amazing personality, and makes the man feel the best that he can, I think he will be attracted to them.

But don't men want a challenge? If you make them feel too good, won't they get bored, and start shooting for someone less attainable?

It's about treating them really well, but not being clingy, like a leech that hangs on every word and following them around like a puppy dog. It's about showering them with love but knowing how to have a life of your own. I always say that there are three relationships; there's each individual's personal relationship and then their relationship together.

OK, let's talk about some of the places where men meet each other. Are you familiar with gay bars and clubs?

Oh my god, am I? I used to live in Spain and I loved going to gay clubs, gay after-parties at seven in the morning and it was the best thing ever, because I didn't get bothered; and when guys would drag their straight friends there, hoping to convert them, as one of the 10 girls there, I would sweep up the ones who did not want to turn over.

How would you say that gay clubs differ from straight ones?

There's a lot more sexuality in gay clubs, which is interesting to me, because the whole concept of sexuality stems back to society and its views of what's OK and what's not OK. In society, if a guy sleeps with as many people as he wants, he's a pimp and a superstar. If a woman does it, she's categorized as a slut and a whore. So I think there's a huge difference between gay and straight clubs. Gay men can show their sexuality because they're men and gay women can as well, because they're not being judged by men. At straight clubs, people bend to society's directions on what is and isn't ok, so gay clubs are more fun and loose.

Are clubs a good place to meet a potential suitor?

It depends on where you go, because people should go to places where they'd meet a mutual sort of person. But so many people think they have to have a few drinks in order to hit on a person. But one of the great things about the show is that it teaches the contestants to be the best person they can be, magnify wonderful qualities, and it gives them confidence, so they don't need five drinks to do it and can do it at a bookstore and coffee shop.

Online dating... Good or bad?

I think there are pros and cons... The pros are that online you're able to do a pre-screening, look at their stats, and communicate back and forth, like 'I like skiing, and you like skiing,' 'I like Italian food, and you like Italian food.' You get to know things upfront that you wouldn't if you met in person. If you told someone in a club that you're looking for a long-term relationship, that doesn't really go over well. On the flipside, in a club you can tell if you have chemistry with people or if you don't, instantaneously.

What are the do's and don'ts when you're meeting people online?

Personally, I would not go online and correspond with someone for a month and share intimate details with them before meeting them. It should be, 'What do we have in common?' and then meet within a week -- or don't and stop contact.

What are deal breakers when it comes to dating in general?

A huge deal breaker for guys are people who don't listen, and eye contact is big for a lot of people, because it's so annoying when you're trying to talk to someone and they're not listening. Also, don't be crude or overly sexual.

How should men be approached?

It's great to approach a man, because it's forward and shows confidence and that's great. But you can't be too cocky, because if you come up and are dominating, then you'll scare him off, because he'll feel like you're taking over. Other no no's are the pump and dump, because if you want to have something prolonged, you can't be sexually aggressive right off the bat.

So no sex on the first date?

I say no, but I've done both. Guys say it doesn't matter, but somewhere in the back of their head, because of society, they're thinking, 'If he had sex with me, how many other people has he slept with?' so they're not likely to take you as seriously. I also don't think that relationships ever come from that. Don't be sexual too soon, because then there's nothing to build on; you can't have a sexual relationship and then build a relationship on that. You should start with a friendship, so you have a real foundation first.

Why do guys freak out after sex?

Maybe they freak out because they think the other person is a slut or really easy. Or maybe they're thinking, 'I hope I didn't go too far, because I do not want a relationship, and I hope they didn't fall in love with me.' A lot of guys have a fear of commitment, because of the biological bullshit of spreading the seed.

What do you think of the whole "Maybe he's just not that into you" idea?

I think it's a great idea. Sometimes he's just not that into you and sometimes you're just not that into him. I've listened to my friends say that their relationships aren't going anywhere, and when I ask, 'Do you love him?' They say 'No.' But some people are more comfortable in that situation than being alone. I think you should just be upfront and not lead people on, because then it's just a bad situation.

Well, thank you Tara for such a great interview.

Thank you, too. It was cool to think opposite of 'The Pickup Artist,' and focus on women and gay men approaching men. They really need to do a gay version of the show with gay contestants.

Aside from her co-hosting duties on "The Pickup Artist 2," Tara continues to pursue acting and writing, and she's the founder and web mistress of pickuptara.com, where she helps straight singles connect. Tara lives in L.A. and is single.

You can catch Tara on “The Pickup Artist 2,” which airs Sundays at 10PM ET/PT on VH1.